i can't let you let me down

This summer has been crazy for me.
The number of people I've met and the number of things that have changed are countless. From spending weekends laying in 3ft grass and watching the stars, talking about life and love, setting fireworks off and running from cops, kissing people I shouldn't have, being awake all night and sleeping all day, music and acoustic guitars, liars and best friends, tanning on the road..
From the little to big things, they've all impacted me in some way.
I can only hope that what I've learned I'll take to heart. I've started charting my change and the progression of my self-awareness.

I've learned what it feels like to have people genuinely dislike me for a valid reason. I'm not used to it but I'm learning, and with that I've learned the value of "fuck you"'s.
I've become aware of the fact that I don't know everything, that I'm still "growing up", and that it's okay. Having my mind made up all the time leaves no room for improvement, no room for growth or any understanding of life and people and the capacity of human emotions. I'm striving to use the other 80% of my brain, it's been my life goal since day one.

And I'm actually dating someone right now. I don't care what the popular opinion is. I've always separated myself from people mentally, it's easier to relate that way. And, regardless of what they say, I do understand. I do. I've absorbed it, I understand it, and if it were anyone else then they would not be doing what I am, knowing what they may be getting themselves into. The difference between me and any sane person is that.. I do not care. I don't. It isn't that I don't care about myself, because I'm doing this for myself. Yes, i can date anyone else.. but right now, I don't want to. I love that we're polar opposites of each other.. it's so refreshing. If this ends in "I told you so"'s then I'd understand. I'm leaving well enough alone, I'm trying my hardest not to fight back or blow up in peoples faces. I cry my eyes out while they put me down, make me out to be the bad guy, and hurt me.
I'm not asking anyone to understand.. or accept it, or anything.
Just.. be.

On that note, I'm having a good time. :)