a plain morning

I feel guilty 80% of my life. Most of the time it isn't directly related to the things I've done but things I've witness being done. If I had chosen a different way to word my thoughts or present myself or the way I choose to conduct my actions.. it's as if I could ultimately change the course of a destructive path, whether or not it was my intention or my (in)direct involvement.
Guilt consumes me when people around me are upset. When friendships get lost or diminish. When I'm caring about myself rather than someone else. I care so much but sometimes there has to be a limit to the extent of that care.
All I can do is shrug and hope for the best.
I'm overly critical of the way I treat people. I have a certain way I don't want to be but certain circumstances restrict that from happening. We all lose who we are form time to time, some more than others.
I don't want to hurt anyone but I can't please everyone.
I lose what makes me "me" and completely slip into this coma of self and overall doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness. It's these periods where I try to shun people away because I can't stand to be with myself, how could anyone else?
It's how I feel mentally that drives me to pick apart other peoples flaws in hopes of finding a reason as to why I'm not happy or could be happy at that point and time.
And then there's that cycle of doubt, blaming myself and blaming other people until there's no more blame to place and no more frustration to wring out. Then I'm okay, as if it never happened.
I hate it, I do.
I just hope there's some understanding in that for the mistakes I make.

:)

You make me so happy, don't ever doubt that.