Sunday, September 20, 2009
fuck. right. OFF.
I can't say it enough. I just.. can't. I feel as though my words hold no substance, my thoughts hold zero value, and my opinion is as important as a pile of shit.
Stop telling me what I am and am not ready for, what I should be doing, how my mind should be made up, what side I should be on.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MY MIND WORKS.
So please, PLEASE, stop trying to think for me. All of you. Just leave me the fuck alone. I can go on and write a completely ambiguous post about it but I'm laying it all out.
How many times can I tell you this? Stop trying to make some sort of perfect human being out of me. I know I was pure, and innocent, and whatever else.. but I'm not perfect. I can't be. This imperfection is what I live for. I live for my flaws, my mistakes, my so-called stupidity. I need to experience it, I do. I don't regret it.
Sure, I lost my virginity drunk off my ass. SO?! I'm 21. Twenty fucking one. I told you it didn't matter to me as much as it does to you, and it DOESNT. It matters, of course, for what it stands for but it just doesn't phase me like it phases you. I live for more than what is, I'm beyond this, this is my vessel. I'm merely a captain of my body, my mind is protected and it is what matters to me the most.
I am so beyond it, I can't even begin to explain it. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, at all, but before you pass judgment and tell me how to live, at least take a moment to consider the things you've done in your life and the things I haven't.
Ugh. Just.. I want everyone off my ass for maybe one day. I need a break. I need a fucking break before I start killing people.
Or worse.
Don't be the cause, you'll fucking regret it and I will make DAMN sure the guilt looms over you until you turn yourself inside out with regret.
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I love this! I am going to put my pride aside and just say it: you are more intelligent than I am. Or at the least, you are more able to express how you feel in words, in ways I cannot.
ReplyDeleteI love reading the things you write. You don't censor yourself and don't give a shit what people think. And I love you for that.
Honestly.
You cannot and will not learn ANYTHING in life, if you don't TRY. If things turn out shitty, so be it. Lesson learned.
This whole virginity thing is beyond me. I have never (maybe because I am male and gay) held any sort of regard towards it. It's just like, if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, whatever.
It doesn't need to be this lavish ceremony and I do not understand why so many people were trying to stop you.
Sure, we can look at Kyle's past. Whatever. If it feels right, fucking do it. And like I said, you can't learn anything if you don't make mistakes.
(not saying this is one!)
<3
- Josh
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ReplyDelete(Sorry, had to post that. Being in Korea, Korean words are all over the Internet (like ads and shit). Don't ask me what it means.. lol)